As I was getting ready for bed last night, I was contemplating some of the things I’ve read and am starting to glean a slightly deeper understanding of from Matthew and other correlated scripture (Daniel, Isaiah, the other gospels, and the epistles). I was thinking about how everything is starting to make sense but also how overwhelmingly more there was to contemplate. As these thoughts were in my mind, I felt Jesus’ presence. Though understanding is starting to come somewhat easier now, I felt like I don’t have to know every single thing imminently. Jesus seemed to say, “It’s okay not to know every little detail because there’s too much to know anyway, but you’re learning and growing and that’s what’s important.” I also got the impression that I don’t have to try to explain every detail of the Kingdom as people are at different points in their walk and may not understand (or refuse to).
I’ve spent so long myself trying to understand the whys of religion and how to draw closer to God. When I stopped trying it my way or based off of a performance metric, I was able to just let Jesus lead me to what I needed to know and when. This has opened the door to consistent spiritual growth that a regimented formula never produced. I’m constantly awed at God’s amazing plan and how he has worked everything together. I’m reading the Bible as a beloved story of Jesus’ redefining of all our preconceived notions of righteousness, justice, and love.
As I think about the apostles, it seems many struggled at first until they came to a breakthrough where they learned to truly follow and reside in Jesus. Their circumstances no longer had any bearing on their spiritual state. I feel that I’m on the precipice of being able to more fully embrace this now that I’m losing my focus on man-made systems and worldly distractions. There are so many things Jesus has led me through that weren’t even part of religious preformatting though they helped in my own walk and in relating to others. With awe and trembling excitement I follow Jesus as he leads me through this amazing process.