Sometimes I think I’m starting to figure it out, or, at least, God helps me get pass one aspect of my psychosis.
To an extent, I can get comfortable for a while, which is kinda uncomfortable because I feel like I should be progressing spiritually in some way. When this happens, God tends to show me that I’m still growing either in ways I haven’t noticed or by letting previous growth fully substantiate.
There is a third occurrence which happened this weekend. Jesus shines his light into a dark corner that I’ve ignored, forgotten about, or possibly didn’t even realize was still there. When this happened recently, it first made me angry, then depressed, and finally contritely humbled.
God let me fume for a while in my anger which was directed towards others. “It’s their fault this is happening to me,” was my first thought.
After the anger subsided and I started to become depressed at the reality of the situation, God then asked, “Are you sure you didn’t have any fault in this at all?” This hurt somewhat to consider, but I’ve learned when God asks, I usually have some, if not all, of the fault to assume. After I could admit that maybe I was in the wrong, God began to move things along quickly towards restoration.
As I researched the issue and began to make amends yesterday, I noticed the people that I had placed the blame on, and now was working with to fix the problem, were reasonably gracious in helping. This further humbled me as I realized I had jumped to a conclusion which is quite common for most humans to assume. I humbly worked things out at God’s leading and I felt as though this dark and barren corner of my soul, that now had Jesus’ light shining into it, may be starting to see some positive growth and maturity.
Thank you God for humbling me again.