As I’ve mentioned before, and as the name of this blog suggests, I’m an INTP. Like everyone else, I have various strengths and weaknesses. While I don’t usually accept such labeling, in the case of the summations that I’ve read, they have been astoundingly accurate for how I tend to live on my “default setting.” I mention this because for the past several months, I’ve been struggling to transcend my personality. While I seem to have grown a lot towards God, I keep wondering when I will be “better” and start being this or that kind of Christian.
Yesterday, while a bit frustrated that I’m still not where I expect I should be, God asked me a simple, yet profound, question—“Why do you keep struggling against who I created you to be?”
Wow…..why indeed. This has brought up all kinds of implications in my mind that I’m struggling to consider.
Am I still playing the game of trying to fit into the molds others have defined instead of being who God created me to be?
This isn’t an excuse to give up on being more Christlike, but maybe I’m still trying to approach this from the wrong angle. Maybe I just need to trust that God created me as who he wants me to be and learn to embrace that in my walk with him.
Though I’m glad I embarked on this journey, and I wouldn’t trade it now for anything, in many respects, this walk hasn’t been easy so far. Being an introverted thinker, I don’t tend to interact with the outside world as is usually socially expected. Most INTPs seem to lean away from religion and more towards science. While I’ve learned to embrace both, this leaves me alienated, even among this somewhat rare and usually unnoticed personality type. In the end, it’s another mold that I’ve had to avoid being forced in to (i.e. You are only an INTP if you are this type of INTP). I don’t want people to accept me for who I pretend to be or what they expect me to be. I want to be accepted for who I am—who God created me to be. Perhaps this is the position from which we should approach everyone— striving to understand who they are at the core to understand why they believe what they do, how to love them where they’re at, and not manipulating them to feel they have to conform to our expectations.
How I precede from here, I don’t know except to embrace more who God has created me to be and follow him to the destinations he has planned—even if this alienates me from the rest of the world. In the end, this relationship with Jesus is not only enough, it is everything.